I was thinking about how easy it is to feel that the people around you are upset at you, when in reality, they’re probably not. Like if my boss at work approaches me about something, I feel like I’ve done something wrong, or I’m “in trouble.” It could also come from an email, an MSN conversation, a simple comment. You take whatever he or she said, and you blow it out of proportion.
So I ask myself, what’s happening? Why do we feel this way? Can’t say I know what the answer to the question is, but knowing your feelings might have something to do with it. Feelings are interesting things, I read this in a book recently:
“Self-revelation does not come easy for any of us. Many adults grow up in homes where the expression of thoughts and feelings was not encouraged but condemned. To request a toy was to receive a lecture on the sad state of family finances. The child went away feeling guilty for having the desire, and he quickly learned not to express his desires. When he expressed anger, the parents responded with harsh and condemning words. Thus, the child learned that expressing angry feelings is not appropriate. If the child was made to feel guilty for expressing disappointment at not being able to go to the store with his father, he learned to hold his disappointment inside. By the time we reach adulthood, many of us have learned to deny our feelings. We are no longer in touch with our emotional selves.”–Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages
When I read this, I had one of those “ya, I do that” moments. And I know that I have these feelings inside, which are quite often repressed because logically I know I shouldn’t have them. Something tells me though that maybe feelings might not be so bad.
If we love someone, we value her feelings. We don’t condemn them as wrong, because something tells me that feelings aren’t about right or wrong, they’re just things we have, “our psychological response to events around us.” We can provide her comfort, assurance, and maybe gently help them to see–without condemning the feeling that sparked it–the world around them really isn’t mad at them. Chances are their world loves them, and we help them to see it.
It’s interesting how God does this too.
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