Here’s a question I’ve been pondering lately. I’ve grown up in a home where drinking has always been forbidden, and to my parents drinking is viewed as sinful. I personally don’t view drinking as being sinful, getting drunk, yes. And it’s probably not a good idea to use alcohol to deal with depression.
But whether drinking is right or wrong, isn’t the question I’m pondering. Should my parents enforce their standard of not drinking on my choice of significant other? And even if they shouldn’t be able to enforce it, should they be allowed to emotionally drag me down because of it?
I’ve thought about standing up to my parents. For a while it seemed like something I could do, muster up the necessary strength and courage. But this evening, as I contemplated just obeying I felt a lot of energy inside me. As I drove to the church I felt like running around the parking lot. Back when I tried standing up to my parents, I felt drained and not like doing anything. There’s a part of me that knows that if I do stand up, I’ll have no energy for anything else, like Redwood Kids, Plunge, work, hanging out with friends. And more importantly to the question, I wouldn’t have any energy for the relationship I’m standing up for. If I obey this rule, then I’ll have lots of energy, a lot to give to the relationship. I would be free.
Or I could move out, would that give me an escape from it all?
Maybe the answer is in the question itself, “should they be allowed to emotionally drag me down because of it?” The fact that they can emotionally drag me down could mean that maybe, for some reason, I care?
This is all starting to remind me of the tattoo post:
I think probably one of the greatest acts of love we can give to someone is to be submissive, sacrifice something of our own will or desire for their benefit. The issue to wrestle with when getting a tattoo is not the legalities, but whether or not I’m hurting someone else because of my decision. It’s not a decision I make for myself, but for someone else. I think tattoos are trivial things really, I could be wrong, but at least to me it’s trivial. Even if it’s not a trivial issue, but rather a big issue, if you give that up for someone else… then wow, do you realize what you’ve just done? You have given something up something that has meant a lot to you for someone else.
So am I making this decision because I love my parents? Does it mean I love my parents more than the other person I love? Does this mean I’m not standing up for myself and making my own choices? I know that we should definitely surrender to God, but what about being submissive to others? This is something I’ve been noticing about myself… I tend to have less problems giving things up for others. But how do you decide what to give up when there are two people involved?
I’m almost certain that the burden my parents are placing on me is a little unreasonable–no drinking at all. Although, they claim that everything else is acceptable. So, I’m thinking to myself that my next girlfriend will have dreadlocks, tattoos, spiked collars, chains, black makeup, oh… don’t forget the body piercings!!!! Drinking is all they care, about… really?
But ya… why the heavy burden? One of these days I’ll figure out how I’ve managed to carry it for 21 years.
So many questions, very little answers. So that’s when I say, “God, you gave me these parents. You figure something out.” In the meantime, I think I’ll run around under the stars and dream.
P.S. I wouldn’t mind receiving some comments from the parents who read my blog.
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