I spent the last two days talking to a lot of people. Something I should have done two weeks ago.
About my legalism post, I don’t really have a strong opinion that I was really right about much of it. I guess that’s how the journey works, we spend a lot of time learning how we are wrong. I’ve been wrong about a lot of things. One of my downfalls is that I probably like being right, but at least I can be happy in knowing that when I’m wrong, it becomes evident.
First of all, I’d like to change the topic of the post from legalism to obedience. And also, now as I ponder the whole thing, I have a question, who is supposed to shatter the box? I’m quite sure now the box doesn’t shatter on its own.
It seems as though there is a point in someone’s life where they will separate certain ties from their parents; they become their own person. When I was in high school my brother went through the same thing when he was my age. I remember that it caused my parents a lot of endless pain. I was starting to do the same in my life, but then I started to see the same pain in my parents, again. When I was younger, I was the one who sat through, watched, and felt the pain. This is why last week I gave into my parents desire, tried to change Nikki. I wanted to find a common ground that would give my parents peace, and what I wanted.
I realized something the other night, I’m going to have to do the same thing my brother did. It’s inevitable, like my brother’s life is some kind of foreshadowing to my own. In fact, we have a joke that I usually do things two years after he does.
Ever have one of those times when you say to yourself, “I wish I knew this before?” So that I didn’t do that one little thing I did back then? But as much as I would like to play the game of regret, I don’t have much to regret really besides one thing.
For two months I loved someone else, and for two months I was loved as well. Everyone I talk to says the relationship appeared to be awesome, and it was. It was different–although, I don’t really have much to compare it to since it was my first relationship. I came into the relationship wanting to be a boyfriend, and for two months I really was a boyfriend. As Don Miller puts it:
I was in love once. I think love is a bit of heaven. When I was in love I thought about that girl so much I felt like I was going to die and it was beautiful, and she loved me too, or at least she said she did, and we were not about ourselves, we were about each other, and that is what I mean when I say being in love is a bit of heaven. When I was in love I hardly thought of myself; I thought of her and how beautiful she looked and whether or not she was cold and how I could make her laugh. It was wonderful because I forgot my problems. I owned her problems instead, and her problems seemed romantic and beautiful. When I was in love there was somebody in the world who was more important than me, and that, given all that happened at the fall of man, is a miracle, like something God forgot to curse. –Blue Like Jazz
So now I’m going to shatter some boxes, and take some of the pain that comes with it.
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