Not fit for a chick flick

by Brian on 9/25/2004

Well, I blew it.

We’re watching the chick flick tonight and it’s near the end. I’m sitting on the couch with a girl next to me on my right (I can’t remember her name), and Jodi was also there sitting on the bean bags. The film is just about reaching the emotional climax, when the girl next to me says, “He’s going to die.” And then he dies, of course, and the girl got so happy that she called it and saw it coming. She felt so proud, and was telling everyone else in the room that she called it. So I was kind of getting the vibe that she wasn’t really taking it seriously and was joking around. So I said:

“Looks like she got dumped again,” because earlier in the movie there was a scene where the girl Caroline was sitting in her boyfriend’s truck, and he dumped her; I made a connection between the two scenes, so I made that comment. I was kind of playing with the vibe I was getting from the girl next to me.

Man did she ever rebuke me!

She said that my remark was totally insensitive and stupid, and she was telling me all this while her eyes were almost bursting with tears. I think Jodi even joined in the rebuking. It all happened so fast!

Man was I ever happy that I wasn’t on a date.

If I can avoid it, I don’t think I’ll ever take a girl to the movies for a date, at least not on a first date. I’m sure I’ll screw it up. Going to a comedy is probably much safer territory; I think you can say whatever you want and it will never be insensitive. Now I kind of know how Don Miller felt when he made that comment about Romeo and Julliet. I guess all those nights of watching Dave Letterman has warped my sense of feeling–that’s probably where these kind of remarks come from.

I’ve been noticing that girls have this tendency of talking about something not-so-serious and silly, and then suddenly changing to something that is very emotionally close to them. Sometimes it seems that this change can even happen in the same sentence. So if you’re a guy like me, it’s quite easy to get caught in the “trap.” The trap is when you’re in the not-so-serious mindset, and then the girl suddenly changes to the emotional mindset, but being that you’re slow you don’t catch on to this transition, so you end up making some joke about that thing she deeply cares about.

If it’s any consolation to the girls reading this, it feels awful to be caught in the trap. It’s not like we enjoy doing it. Some might, but most probably don’t.

I know what I am about to say may very well ruin all my future chances of getting married, but hey, I have to be honest. I stand behind what I said tonight. I wasn’t exactly emotionally provoked by the film. And it could very well be because I missed a huge chunk of it in the middle, but still, what I saw felt kind of like a romantic cliche–I mean, a very poor portrayal of that cliche.

The last movie that did emotionally provoke me was ironically a comedy. It was the movie Envy. I almost started to cry when the two best friends, even though one of them killed his best friend’s treasured horse out of a very bitter jelousy, reconciled their relationship. It blew me away and it was like nothing I’ve ever scene in a movie before. Usually it’s like you’ve messed up, so now you have to pay for what you’ve done; but instead it was like, you’ve messed up, but I forgive you.

Tonight while I was helping Nathan clean up we ended up talking about church splits. Just imagine what it would be like if two people could sit down together and place their relationship with each other before any other thing, any other dispute, or any other conflict. Imagine what it would be like if you realized that you were hurting someone, so then you found that person and sat with them one-on-one admiting that what you did was wrong, asking for their forgiveness… Imagine what it would be like if you forgave that person.

I think this movie would make God cry.

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  • Margo

    why are we (girls) such girls!!! haha.

  • Margo

    why are we (girls) such girls!!! haha.

  • Anonymous

    I feel for you Brian (but of course Im reading your side of the story.)I dont have a lot of understanding about girls/women but last night I was talking with a married friend who I think has learned more than me (and he reads your blog).

    First of all, he agreed with my observation that there seems to be a resurgance in certain circles of emphasizing differences (inherent or learned?) between male and female. Because in my formative years we were going through a period of *de-emphasizing* any differences, it does tend to rub me the wrong way BUT what I observe currently (which might be good) is that people comment freely on the alleged differences BUT inferences are NOT drawn about these differences disqualifying either gender from any role (leadership, parenting etc.) However, *sometimes* I do *feel* that the differences are still used as weapons as if to say “This is how we are. You’ll never understand us, because you are a ______ and in fact you are not even allowed to be this way yourself, because it is claimed by my gender not yours.” (This is no comment on what that girl may have been doing. However, in that regard my wiser friend *suggests* that in “the game” you were *expected* to be insensitive and you fulfilled your role and so, in a sense, did the right thing *in the game/battle(!?) of gender relations,
    (even though it could be said that “calling” a death in a movie also treats it lightly — “insensitively” but that would be seen as an exception.) Just theorizing here. We werent there, of course. (And it was just a movie after all. Or is that a “guy thing” to say?)

  • Anonymous

    I feel for you Brian (but of course Im reading your side of the story.)I dont have a lot of understanding about girls/women but last night I was talking with a married friend who I think has learned more than me (and he reads your blog).

    First of all, he agreed with my observation that there seems to be a resurgance in certain circles of emphasizing differences (inherent or learned?) between male and female. Because in my formative years we were going through a period of *de-emphasizing* any differences, it does tend to rub me the wrong way BUT what I observe currently (which might be good) is that people comment freely on the alleged differences BUT inferences are NOT drawn about these differences disqualifying either gender from any role (leadership, parenting etc.) However, *sometimes* I do *feel* that the differences are still used as weapons as if to say “This is how we are. You’ll never understand us, because you are a ______ and in fact you are not even allowed to be this way yourself, because it is claimed by my gender not yours.” (This is no comment on what that girl may have been doing. However, in that regard my wiser friend *suggests* that in “the game” you were *expected* to be insensitive and you fulfilled your role and so, in a sense, did the right thing *in the game/battle(!?) of gender relations,
    (even though it could be said that “calling” a death in a movie also treats it lightly — “insensitively” but that would be seen as an exception.) Just theorizing here. We werent there, of course. (And it was just a movie after all. Or is that a “guy thing” to say?)

  • suzie

    hey Brian! Man you blew it lol. haha. awwww Brian have you learned nothing?! J/K man. Just be careful when you use the word dump. It can bring back some bad memories for some girls. I think it was probably the word you used. Like think about it, getting dumped because someone died. If the story hit home in anyway (which it does cause death is everywhere) then it’s just not the correct thing to say man! Don’t worry though. Girls expect guys to mess up. I mean we’re so confusing and complicated how can we expect you guys to keep up? That’s just not fair. Life for guys is full of second chances. And accepting that we can’t change guys to be what we want lol. The mishaps just become cute after a while cause we learn to accept them. Im sure it goes both ways.

  • suzie

    hey Brian! Man you blew it lol. haha. awwww Brian have you learned nothing?! J/K man. Just be careful when you use the word dump. It can bring back some bad memories for some girls. I think it was probably the word you used. Like think about it, getting dumped because someone died. If the story hit home in anyway (which it does cause death is everywhere) then it’s just not the correct thing to say man! Don’t worry though. Girls expect guys to mess up. I mean we’re so confusing and complicated how can we expect you guys to keep up? That’s just not fair. Life for guys is full of second chances. And accepting that we can’t change guys to be what we want lol. The mishaps just become cute after a while cause we learn to accept them. Im sure it goes both ways.

  • Sarah

    well hey Brian… bet you never thought I’d be reading this :P . If you’re wondering how I got here – there was a link to Nathan’s from the plunge website, and then on his, a link to your’s.. I was bored, what can I say! And yes, I’m allowed to be bored.. I handed in my paper – I’m free, at least for tonight. I was simply scrolling on down, and the words “chick flick” caught my eye. By the way, my name is Sarah, you should know it by now. I apologize for getting you “caught in the trap” lol. It wasn’t intentional. I say weird things when I get emotional, so in fact, when I “excitedly” announced to everyone that I’d “called” his death, I was actually just trying to avoid getting all teary in front of these people I didn’t know. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that most girls are like that, but I’ve always been very emotional. Actually just today I was complaining to my grandmother about guys being confusing – and while I will still hold to that opinion, I recognize the fact that girls are also, very confusing. I would even say that we are more so. Anyways, as to why I found the movie so “emotionally prevoking” – I’ll try to clarify that when I see you Thursday :P .

  • Sarah

    well hey Brian… bet you never thought I’d be reading this :P . If you’re wondering how I got here – there was a link to Nathan’s from the plunge website, and then on his, a link to your’s.. I was bored, what can I say! And yes, I’m allowed to be bored.. I handed in my paper – I’m free, at least for tonight. I was simply scrolling on down, and the words “chick flick” caught my eye. By the way, my name is Sarah, you should know it by now. I apologize for getting you “caught in the trap” lol. It wasn’t intentional. I say weird things when I get emotional, so in fact, when I “excitedly” announced to everyone that I’d “called” his death, I was actually just trying to avoid getting all teary in front of these people I didn’t know. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that most girls are like that, but I’ve always been very emotional. Actually just today I was complaining to my grandmother about guys being confusing – and while I will still hold to that opinion, I recognize the fact that girls are also, very confusing. I would even say that we are more so. Anyways, as to why I found the movie so “emotionally prevoking” – I’ll try to clarify that when I see you Thursday :P .

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