Well, I just can’t stand people! 
Just kidding, sort of.. 
I have talked about lot in previous blog posts about fellowship, so I figured that I might as well talk a bit about last Tuesday at the discussion group study. Basically I just had one of those moments where I just couldn’t stand the people sitting at my table, and eventually I had to switch to a different table. I didn’t feel comfortable. Maybe it was bad group dynamics, or maybe I’m just awful at connecting with people. I felt intimidated that people where expecting me to say stuff when I had nothing to say, and they didn’t really like the fact that I had nothing to say. I wasn’t going to make up crap just to please them.
I took the cheap way out and just left the table, leaving everyone else to think that I’m mad at them. I just wasn’t comfortable. I know the smarter thing would have been to change the dynamics a bit, but that seemed impossible on Tuesday because there was just something different about the atmosphere at the study. Nathan was gone, so someone else was leading… There was also an out of town visitor who liked to speak his mind, but there’s nothing wrong with that… except when you’re new to the culture of our studies, and there isn’t a strong leader to tell you to shut up. (okay, I know I worded that very immaturely… I knew the visitor anyway back when I was in grade nine) I don’t really have that much hatred anymore of people like him–people who speak their mind–although I still might have a bit of dislike because they pull attention away from everyone else and pull it back to themselves. At least that’s how I like to see the situation.
Father make me into someone who cares more about what’s better for others than myself.
I think that we all desire fellowship with people who truly know us. But I suspect that this desire is an impossibility, at least the truly part. There seems to always be a certain degree of uncertainty in all of our relationships where we are always wonder what the other person is thinking or feeling, or a sense of frustration that we can’t exactly tell them.
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