I like the warmth of a summer evening that has a mixture of cool breeze and warm humidity. And it’s even better when you’re walking with some friends downtown as the sun is setting. There’s a certain smell in the air, plus the echoey sounds of car engines fading off in the distance. It’s like I’m teleported to a different world, a different city. Reminds me of being on vacation.
Lately I’m starting to really like the song Meet With You. The words seems to describe where I am right now and what I want from God:
I’m here to meet with you
Come and meet with me
I’m here to find you
Reveal yourself to me
As I wait, you make me strong
As I long, you draw me to your arms
As I stand, and sing your praise
You come, You come
And you fill this place
I’ve finished reading Blue Like Jazz. I read the last chapter yesterday before the bible study. There was one chapter in the book that got me thinking, and that was the chapter on Love: How to Really Love Yourself. I think that as a Christian and growing up as one I’ve sort of trained myself to be humble and to throw away my pride, but that doesn’t exactly mean looking down on myself and equating who I am with crap. Lowliness, humility, meekness are Christian buzzwords, but what exactly do they mean? And what about the verse, “he who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself with be exalted,” what exactly does it mean? Something tells me that the answer to this question might be found by meditating on how Christ looked at himself.
God’s love is unconditional. Though sometimes that can be hard to believe, most of the time we accept it if we know Christ. But what about the love that others have for us? That’s where I struggle. I think and believe that no one could possibly love me because I’m such an awful person with no authenticity, I’m lazy, partial in how I treat others… so on and so forth. Does that really mean that it’s impossible for others to love me?
Listen to this, I think it’s a really deep thought. As people who are in love with God I think we always look down on ourselves because we don’t give enough back to Him. We think, “God must really hate me because I’m so selfish with my time.” It’s not true, and I’m finally starting to believe that if I just sit on this chair that I’m on and breath, God would be looking at me and smiling. Nothing more is expected of me.
And when I believe that fireworks seem to go off. I start doing those things I’ve always wish that I could do, to give glory back to God for His love.
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