One thing that stuck out in my mind today from the sermon at Plunge was James 1:6-8. I have always been very familiar with that passage, and my attitude has always been that I have faith; I’m not like that. Now I’m kind of questioning if I really do have much faith that God will hear me and answer my prayers–at least I got a much needed wake up call.
I feel like I’m trapped in a cage, a cage that I’ve been inside before many times. It’s cage of loneliness and despair. I keep trying to tell myself that there are people in this world with much worse problems, and in much worse situations than me, but that’s very little assurance or comfort to the selfish person I am. This cage is made up of different parts. First there is loneliness. I have this desire for intimate friendships with people, with both guys (in a heterosexual way) and with girls. I would just like to have people who I could sit down with and talk about life. I do have a few people who are really good at that, but the thing that they all have in common is that they’re both busy and far away. Although, I guess on the bright side, because of the fact that they’re busy and far away, I probably don’t take the time I spend with them for granted.
The cage also consists of my summer job. I am really privileged to have a good job for the summer; however, I am kind of worried that I will be too isolated because I’m pretty much going to be working in an office by myself. It doesn’t help so much that the office is kind of shaped like a small cube that resembles a cage.
I’ll end this blog with a thought:
“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. Of His own will He brought us forth by the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures.” –James 1:14-18
I know that I have been drawn away many times by my own desires, and it always does produce sin. I’m not sure if I can ever be at a point where I can just easily overcome every desire (or maybe that’s just me doubting), but God please work in me and deliver me from the things I struggle with–and may my faith that this will be accomplished be strong and without doubting. May my desires just cease, but may my joy be filled instead by gifts that are given by You.
Those gifts are perfect.
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